New Testament World Rocked by Novel Biblical Insights
The New Testament academic world was rocked last week after a sermon by Rev. Jonny-come-Lately went viral. Rev. Lately, Minister of 2nd Unformed Church in Looneyville, TX, had been preaching an ad hoc sermon series on various Bible verses. Entitling the series ‘Cherry Picking the Bible’ he had left his sermon preparation for that week until the very last minute. Rising late on Sunday morning he began preparing his diatribe with the edification and pastoral care of his flock firmly in the forefront of his mind. Desperately thumbing through the New Testament, and praying for the Lord to inspire him, he inadvertently spilled his skinny decaf latte (with almond milk and extra protein) all over his Bermuda shorts, causing his Bible to fall open on the floor. After mopping up the mess he realised the Holy Spirit was at work. His personal angst, lack of discipline and sense of self-pity were being used by God to bear fruit in his ministry. His Bible had fallen open to Acts 9 and his eyes alighted on verse 25, “ … but his [Saul’s] disciples took him by night and let him down through an opening in the wall, lowering him in a basket.”
New insights on this text of Scripture flooded into his mind and he strode into the pulpit that morning and preached his most profound sermon to date. Without paying any attention to the immediate context of the passage, and wilfully ignoring the plain reading of the text, Jonny preached a moving sermon on Christian friendship. He declared to his awe-inspired parishioners:
“This verse is clearly teaching us that sometimes your friends will let you down. Saul was let down over the city walls of Damascus by his disciples. Do not be surprised if on occasion, even your ‘besties’ will let you down!”
Rev. Lately continued his two hour sermon in a similar vein, warning his church about the danger of baskets, particularly when used as transportation devices for those you love the most.
Within days the YouTube recording of this sermon went viral and New Testament scholars from all over the world were left speechless. Dr. Dusty Rhodes, Oxford Professor of Biblical Eisegesis and best selling author of ‘Highway Travel in Second Temple Judaism’, voiced the shock of the scholarly community:
“Rev. Lately’s handling of Acts 9:25 is unique in the history of New Testament research. Not one early church Father, Reformation writer, or modern day commentator, has ever understood this portion of the Bible to have any relevance to friendship. It is nothing less than ground-breaking. It is set to transform the way we read Scripture, opening up almost an infinite number of ways in which ancient texts could be understood.”
At the time of writing, sales of Bermuda shorts and skinny decaf lattes had dramatically risen among New Testament scholars, and Ministers all over the world have been seen repeatedly dropping their open Bibles on the ground hoping for new inspiration for their sermons.
